Inbetween.

And so it's over. sortof? Still have a practice scholarship english exam tomorrow but that doesn't really matter so all goods :)

Once again, I've reached another "milestone" in my soon-to-be-ending high school career. Strangely though, I'm pretty ambivalent about the whole thing. It doesn't feel like I just finished my exams, and I don't feel like I have got any less to do now that I don't have them. Perhaps it's the 3 internals in the next 2 weeks D: or maybe I'm just getting used to it :P  Perhaps not such a good thing because that means I didn't take them that seriously!

However, glad it's over. Now it's all out of my hands! Can't do any more to get that last mark, or learn that last word. Exams aren't the worst part - the build up is!

The last few months have been pretty hectic. Man, this year has been crazy! Such a whirlwind of events and happenings. Cliche, but true. It's ridiculous to think that there's only 4 and half weeks left of high school, left of school. This induces some pretty intense reflection on what I've done this year, and where I'm heading next. I'm in this big 'inbetween.' After traveling to Europe, I think that I've gotten a bigger perspective on.. things. Just the way I see the world, and see what type of person I want to be in it. In the larger scheme of things, what will happen if these exams go horribly "wayward?" Nothing. really. A bruised ego perhaps, but that's character development right? Don't get me wrong, I still try my best in everything that I do, 100%, but I think that slowly I'm becoming less attached, and worrying too much about what happens. Call it faith, call it distraction, I just think that as long as I try my best, then I'll end up where I'm supposed to be. This year I kept a diary, pretty consistently. The best thing about this is actually looking back at "hardships" that I faced. Each time, I was so unsure of myself, so sure of failure, but somehow I survived. Granted, sometimes I didn't reach my own unrealistically high expectations, but I can get over that. So whilst 'carpe diem' is a good rule to live by, this year I've learnt that it's also important to just chill out for a bit, let things roll and go with the flow.

The future. It's hanging just around the corner. it's there, but we choose to just kinda shunt it to one side and focus on what we are doing here and now. I do, anyway. Where do I want to go? I really, really don't know. I know I want to do med. I am sure. But I don't see the point in having my heart set on one particular place when I don't know if I'll be accepted into any at all. But the uncertainty is haunting, and probably not good for my sanity. The 'inbetween,' a place when you don't have any idea what's going on, everything is based on 'could be' and 'maybe' and 'possibly,' and you kinda just have to run with it.


So - newfound freedom. Uni applications, Internals, but also catching up with friends, and going to awesome events! Got my weekend all sorted :) exciting stuff. Also, I've got tickets to JASON MRAZ for when he comes to New Zealand! He's only doing ONE show, at the Civic, and I'm going with Samantha. It's going to be epic :)

Oh, if you happen to be near Albany on Sunday, you should come over to the Albany Domain Hall, opposite Albany Senior High School and very close to North Harbour Stadium. We're raising money to support those still affected by Christchurch's earthquakes - just because they're not shaking this very minute doesn't mean that the effects go away!